What depression feels like. 

Depression. It’s ugly, it’s dark, it’s isolating and it’s grey. Just when the sun begins to shine again; when you start to smile and your soul feels happier. This grey cloud starts to blow itself over. The days become confusing, the days begin to feel like a never ending mountain your climbing and the feeling of…

The wake up with a view

Finally I was awake, the pain was real, but I took one look out my window and I wasn’t sure if I was high or if I was really seeing this multi million pound view. I was looking at the houses of parliament on a beautiful sunny day. It helped me through the next 10…

The first surgery

I prayed, I prayed, I prayed. I had faith in God and in this amazing team. St Thomas is a remarkable hospital. Finally the day has come where someone a medical professional was going to help me. This was part one of two surgeries, I was having my ribs removed on the left side of…

The start

After my melt down I went to the doctor who helped me the day my mind and wall went crumbling down. She was wonderful we spoke about everything and suggested starting an AntiDepressant which I was hesitant to take but she said it would help for now, my aniexty, my insomnia, dark days and restlessness….

Lithuania 

So I haven’t been able to travel for a long time due to my blood clots, and I’m having serious travel blues. I miss walking and exploring a new city, embracing new cultures, meeting new people and hearing their stories of their town and country.  So a few years ago I got to visit a…

A taste of Poland 

I love food, I love trying traditional food’s whenever I go to a new place! Learning about eh history of the food, how it is made and why it became a tradition is so cool. And I LOVE PERIGIE I could eat it everyday in Poland it’s so yummy! It’s kind of like dumplings and…

A little trip. 

So after a breakdown, and finding Jesus I needed a break away, so my best friend phoned me and said she’d booked me a flight and I was to come stay with her for a while.  I feel in love with Poland in 2013, and go 2/3 times a year. If you’ve never been GO….

Of a new faith.

I was broken, scared, lost and angry. If you are not religious I understand this may not be your cup of tea, but this is just my story and how I survived being at the bottom. I didn’t grow up in a christian household, but I was raised by parents who also taught me to…

The truth about sitting in the dark.

Having struggled on my own, fighting these demons, trying to stay strong for so long, it all came crashing down. I had withdrawn myself from all emotional feelings, put on a fighting smile and tried to conquer the day. If I played the role in the end I should surely start believing it right? WRONG….

The break through and the break down. 

So after being pushed around, poked, scanned and asked to get naked in front of every doctor, nurse I went to see even if it was for my fingers, for nearly a year. All this time I thought I could handle it all, take the pain, be the strong one, hold it all together, hide…

Being sent home.

Being sent home was all in all a blessing. I got to spend time with my family, rest peacefully in my own bed and binge Netflix’s! ( that was really the main reason 🙂 ) However I did go back to see a Vasucualr Surgeon at my local hospital, who after an X-ray told me…

On The Ward.

So I was 21 at the time. I was taken up to an elderly ward which had people suffering from dementia, amputee’s and the elderly. I was the only person under the age of 60, I told my parents to go home as they had huge bags under their eyes and to come back when…