I was broken, scared, lost and angry. If you are not religious I understand this may not be your cup of tea, but this is just my story and how I survived being at the bottom.
I didn’t grow up in a christian household, but I was raised by parents who also taught me to be open minded, be respectful and always ask questions. Before getting sick I moved to California and met some incredible people who all had this love, passion, truth for the the Lord. To me this was so intriguing, eye opening and I wanted to know more, I gave them earache for the next few years, just wanting to know more.
When I came home a few years later and got a blood clot the journey and trauma of being shipped from Doctor to Doctor, test to test, scan to scan and all to end in the same line from the consultant “We don’t know what to do, or know why this has happened to you”. And I thought to myself I am strong, I was ok, I could handle anything and I put up this big strong wall that I thought wasn’t breakable. However if you have ever put up that wall, withdrawn from your friends and family, suffering in pain everyday and not knowing what to do. I had lost my identity, my pride, my privacy. You know that this wall doesn’t last long, and I came crashing down in a huge pile of a hot mess, I was suffering from depression. I was tired of being sad, in pain, I wanted it to be over, I couldn’t do it any longer, I wanted answers that I couldn’t get.
I felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff with one foot hanging over the edge, I didn’t know what to do. One night I lay in bed crying myself to sleep, and out of know where I got this inner strength that I still find it hard to explain, I had this fire in my belly, this strength that I felt I could go forward. That I had something, someone on my side. It flipped my world upside down. I couldn’t make sense of it, I phoned my best friend in New Orleans who has been by my side (across oceans) all the way and her family are faith-filled, God fearing, God Loving AMAZING people. She said three words to me ‘Daisy It’s Jesus’ All of a sudden it all clicked, it all made sense. It was God, it was Jesus, it was the Holy Spirit. I knew then that my life had been saved for a reason, maybe one that I couldn’t see yet, nor understand. But it was for a reason, I wasn’t meant to die that night, my life wasn’t meant to end then. This was his plan for me, this was his will, this was the answers to my and my friends prayers.
Jesus saved my life that day, I picked myself up, I had this amour around me, this strength that was far beyond what was humanly possible and in my state of mind and physical health was certainly not me. I gave my life to God that night, laying in my bed in tears, in the darkest place I have ever been, I went from a world with not colour, no hope, It changed to power, colour, lightness and HOPE. It was God giving me a second chance of life, whatever is to come I know Jesus is on my side. God is my strength, and I strive to know him more, to fulfill His will He has for me. I still have mountains to climb, battles to over come. But I knew I could wake up the next morning and not be in this battle alone. Jesus gave me new eyes to see, expanded my heart and I could take this blood clot on.!
There is no battle that can not be overcome with Jesus.