The break through and the break down. 

So after being pushed around, poked, scanned and asked to get naked in front of every doctor, nurse I went to see even if it was for my fingers, for nearly a year. All this time I thought I could handle it all, take the pain, be the strong one, hold it all together, hide my pain, panic and being scared from everyone I knew and met. Deep down I was losing it, at night I wasn’t able to sleep, my hair was falling out and I would cry have a million images and thoughts running through my mind. 

After being sent away and discharged from all specialist that I was sent to on this while goose chase. So I went to see my brilliant, amazing family doctor who is the real game changer in my story. He said he knew if a Vasualr Surgeon in one of the best London hospitals for odd blood cases and would send me to him urgery. AT LAST somone who was on my side, wasn’t going to stop until this was dealt with. So I walked away hopeful. 

I went to reception to book in for another appointment next week and the lady said there wasn’t any and if I could just hold on she would go speak to the doctor. But that was it. For some reason it tipped me over the edge. I couldn’t hold the tears back, and they came FLOODING, I had a panic attack and freaked out. I was taken out the back and a years worth of tears, worry, frightendness came out. A lovely lady doctor spotted me and took me into her room, sat me down and just listened. I was broken, for the first time I was letting something in. I had a breakdown. 

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